Childhood Dreams
This used to be my playground
Those rusty bars used to be my swings
Where I
pretended to fly
That old oak used to be my climbing tree
Where I did
my dreaming
This patch of grass is where I played pretend
I did
some of my best acting then
That empty sandbox is where I built my
fantasies
Anything became reality
This used to be my playground
-------------------------------------
HANNOSUKE
My eyes are black, only black.
I don't have a pupil in my eyes.
So I can't focus.
I bit your finger before.
But please don't take it badly.
I can't see well.
Dear master,
You sometimes forget to clean my place.
You sometimes forget to give me food.
Though you are kind.
Oh! My goodness.
I succeeded in escaping from here.
At first.
I was very happy.
I was walking in the room.
My steps were so light.
I was, ' Feelin' Groovy '
Oh! I can't believe it.
You opened your eyes at midnight.
I was picked up.
The second time.
I was hiding in an invisible place.
I became hungry.
A sweet smell of raisin bread.
My nose is so delicate.
I couldn't resist my appetite.
I escaped twice.
I was caught twice.
Wow! I have a good idea.
I'll keep some food in my cheek bags.
And go out immediately.
Oh! Yeah!!
I am a hamster
I am a Jiangarian hamster
who is named " Hannosuke "..
------------------------------------------
Long Legs
Her long legs
Spoke rivers to me
Her toes
Tickled my memory
And rekindled
A fire
Burned out
In forgotten yesterdays
Nylon mesh
Fleshy sausage
Stuffed precisely
Into a feeding
Frenzy
But, alas
Reality
Comes creeping
An old man
In a coffee shop,
And the waitress
His unsuspecting
Fantasy
-----------------------------
Findlay, Ohio
Trees collapse in the strain
of witch-hunt hours bent
over bridges.
Between your teeth, a liquid grit,
silt and dust plowed by a thousand hands already.
Tall pioneers stay a silent watch.
Massive white trunks
obtuse and slightly tamed, watch
the roar.
The roadside roar sings
of contraptions aching with aggravated
crimes committed in the streets
of Findlay.
People shrug in this town.
With every smile a five dollar bill is stolen
and your pockets are left to themselves.
You make a start.
You're broke
and foreign and trying to get tanked
in the few minutes before last call.
Soft yellow eyes, a hotel's eyes,
slowly close on the street lamp tanning
your forehead.
Amaretto and tobacco drip through a pool-hall,
the length of a cue, the tip of your tongue
and earlobes.
Will you remove your skin?
The librarians shed
under milkweed and canadian geese,
and in their own shrugging, the books convert.
If you wait any longer, you might hear a glacier,
or a rusted out Ford
struggling with the rain.
You hunch your muscles and make coy
on the bed.
You've had too many threats already.
cJ.
----------------------------------------
Tainted April
I saw the wind
as its fingers passed limpidly through
her marigold mane
and tickled the willow fur of her nakedness
without laughter.
Then spring birds would scatter from our birch pavilion,
their wings mocking the rhythmic recoil of
thunder claps;
my body encroaching on unwilling innocence,
while silent screams were swallowed.
And this would be
the first of many interruptions
of a serene pool that shallowed on one end,
and let me cleanse away
the defiled blood from my fleshy dowel.
Only to paint it again and again,
against a backdrop of April nature
and a naked creature stolen from the city,
pleading and bleeding,
as I approached for another portrait
of a Spring day in the woods.
------------------------------
The Road Back
by Richard
Stella
rsappraise@aol.com
I stopped at the crest of a hill,
It's slope dropped before me,
The moon gave me no direction,
The stars were conspicuously silent.
None told me which way to go,
There was no guidance in the breeze,
The grass may be pointed down,
And then I knew, it did not matter.
The road back was long ago paved,
And then long ago grown over,
One can walk the weeded trail back,
Or run on and meet the dawn.
----------------------------------
A tingle running through my vein
happiness washing away the pain
A love which I shall soon see
and a boy who has brought it to me
each touch is like something i cant bear
it makes me dream of my self standing there
holding a basket full of beautiful flowers
nothing can harm the love and the powers
i never believed until this day
a small fortune of his words that stayed
in my head forever
this is love, as we both move on together
----------------------------------
No Second Chances
Although we truly loved him, he never knew how much
Even though we cared deeply for him, we never made it known
There were some days he needed cheering up, all we did was bring him down
Whenever he disclosed his dreams, we shattered them with our laughs
When something was on his mind, we did not bother to notice
At the time he needed a shoulder to cry on, we turned the other cheek
When he needed a friend to talk to, we were too busy to make the time
At the times he got into trouble, we judged him instead of opening our hearts
After his life took a turn for the worse, none of us gave him a word of encouragement
"We did nothing wrong," you may think, but we made the worst mistake of all
We thought we'd always hear his amusing laugh whenever we wanted
We figured we'd see his charming smile whenever we saw him around town
We took him for granted by figuring he'd always be there
I guess we did too much 'thinking' when we should have been reaching out
Now, we have no "second chances" because our friend is gone forever
That is something we "can think about" for the rest of our lives.
--------------------------------------
PRIMITIVE FIRES
Vladimir Swirynsky
When the world was still flat, the horizon was the matador's cape, evasive
and mocking our ignorance as we tested the waters of immortality
Excited by their songs we shouted at the birds Sleeping with a splintered
calm, the stars like limbs outspread, surrendered their dreams
Fire caused the uprising--our first rebellion, The scent of smoke making our
hearts beat faster So we gathered wood to give the breath of fire a roaring
voice to scare away our demons--
From our warm cave we outlasted the Ice Age, We picked berries, that
sweetness staining the wicked lust of our throat Today, we are that truth,
the fruit born from the roots of flowers that we tasted so long ago--
Asleep by the fireplace, the machine of night spins like a giant flywheel
In the mills molten steel slashes like glowing sabers into the huge eye of
night In our dreams we worship the magic of fire as it burns the pages
of tomorrow Unaware that our children are dancing in its flame
---------------------------------
In My World,
There upon the mountain above the clouds and into the sun sits a soaked horizon. Looking upon the cities and dreams of those who knew that there was some way to make them. One single star gives birth to the heavens and they play peaceful melodies that rain upon you like large waterfalls that soak you in a world of perpetual flow. In the fear of falling you find yourself following and going to the edge, dropping you find that though it hurts at first, you fly. Recklessly through the sun filled sky and into the perpetual motion of space. You see the emerald glow of the comets and they come to play, you go to the dark side of the moon and find that it has the mysteries of the blackened porous satellite. You go beyond the limits of your mind and see colors that flow from the planets like a funneled faucet of pink and orange finding its way through the black holes of space. You feel the warmth of the light in your fingers and through the waves of energy you spin into the depths of an insane spectrum, you see the face of what you are and find that it doesn't match how you feel. Colors bend to you and connect you to the blended star-like entities. they show you the mysteries and preludes you missed. They take your hand and fill your mind with love, and your soul with life. Stepping back you find you just fell down into the paradise you were looking for, they tell you it cant last, but come back soon. and you wake up in the dreams of others, somewhere between the earth and sky you find that place and hold it for as long as you can, because once you see it you can be complete.
-------------------------------
My Knight In Shining Armor
Nicole Nunes
My Knight in Shining Armor
Is not a knight at all
And his armor's not that shiny
It's rusty, kind of dull
He's a lover, but a fighter
A stranger, but a friend
He's everything I've ever wanted
But nothing in the end
I don't know what I'm looking for
I'm not sure I ever will
I hope that he'll be sensitive
And my dreams he will fulfill
I want him to be spontaneous
And to have an open mind
I want to steal his heart away
And I hope that he'll steal mine
My knight's a contradiction
He's everything and not
He's just a dream, but for now
He's every thing I've got
----------------------------
RIGHT SHOULDER, LEFT SHOULDER
BOBBIE JO
BEEMAN
I am everything evil and everything good
A spirit of kindness, waiting to greet you
A violent storm, coming to beat you
If you love me, and love me true
I'll be sure no harm comes to you
I'll love you as an angel for all eternity
But I'll rob you from all peace
If you ever cross me
----------------
Illumination
Ivan V. Avetissian
I passed a non-descript darkened tavern
late one night
As I hurried down a dark stretch of interstate
Out of the corner of my distracted eye
I saw a shadow
and a small red glow
Could it have been the cherry red dot
of the days last cigarette
Savored by the last lonely patron
To be snuffed out momentarily
before he went home
to a marriage full of love
but long devoid of passion
Or could it have simply been a reflection
of my own vehicle?
Hard to say at those speeds.
----------------------------------
The human brain
is a hell of a thing.
But
it stops just short
of being real smart.
The human heart,
on the other hand,
feels its way through worlds of clay
and keeps us from flying apart.
David Perkins davidperkins@hotmail.com
------------------------------
1.
Ere I consign this life to fainter light
Frail gossamer white, to weak to flail,
Near the hour to take transition's flight
In destination whereto one can never fail
Nor whither ever have to travel twice
In following the spirit's erring path,
While leaving ashes here in sacrifice
Abandoning to helpless age its final wrath;
I first would fall as prey in passion's talons
Abducted to a warm and wanton nest,
To smell the breath of sweetly, sweating dragons
And steal from them youth's red and lusty crest.
I would taste anew an earthly kiss to melt in searing love,
And then expire a sated soul to soar on fire above.
-----------------------------------
Sale
Linda buys two dozen
jars for jam,
a bargain, gleaming
in the store.
Carefully, she plucks
the fruit from the bough.
Gently, she tends the fire.
As she reads her recipe,
suddenly she sees
that when twenty-four
empty vessels are filled
and nothing is burned,
nothing spilled,
there will be no place to set them,
no pantry - not even a shelf.
So Linda walks away
and plans to can another day.
-----------------------------------
JUDGE NOT
thought and caught by Delshay
many times ive been judged
passed and cast off
blast and pissed off
my face on trial
full of tribulation
i wanna fly free in the sky
of a sovereign nation
one love among brethren
pride in sistren
and all of us just happy inside
------------------------------------------
Shyness
There I sit;
Alone and shaking.
My hands bound behind my back
My lips sealed tightly,
With no expression on my face.
An empty room in which I sit;
Four plain, white walls
No windows, no doors
No means of escape.
My SELF is forever trapped
And thus is the disease of shyness.
-Timothy Hennessey
----------------------------------------------------
"A WISH FOR YOU...FEEL IT?"
A wish for you:
To many times find truth,
And have it torn from beneath you.
My wish is a view of life from every angle;
For the blur and focus.
A sad and beautiful life,
Feel it?
It has the consistency of low-grade sandpaper,
It stimulates.
There are a thousand tiny peaks and valleys;
Ridges and depressions
Made precisely for your fingers
Take in every detail,
You only get one touch
There's a consummate need
To touch....feel.
It's abrasive because it should be
Let it tear off some skin
-------------------------------
PALMS
PALMS ON THE GLASS- It's raining here, I'm looking over the tops of the trees, across the valley to the river, I SEE YOUR FACE.
VOICE ON THE LINE- I have the phone next to my ear as I listen to your message, hoping to talk with you soon, I HEAR YOUR LOVE.
RAIN ON THE HOUSE- I hear the rain pounding on the roof from all directions, the wind is pressing against the house, I FEEL YOUR EMBRACE.
FACE IN THE RAIN- Looking up into the sky that isn't, just white, wet and low, the whole valley is covered, I TASTE YOUR LIPS.
CALM IN MY HEART- I know you must be thinking of me, a tender peace has come over me just now, I KNOW YOUR COMFORT.
WARMTH IN MY BODY- My thoughts stray to the times we have spent together, we laughed, we cried, we loved, my knees give up there strength, WE ARE ONE SOUL.
-----------------------------
Amidst the countless sweet nothings, and every I love you,
I cannot even once recall saying Thank you.
Thank you for accepting me as I am, and loving me despite all I am not.
Thank you for being my life, when it was death that I sought.
Thank you for being my sunshine in my cloudy sky.
Thank you for making me laugh, and letting me cry.
Thank you for choosing this shy, quiet girl,
This dull stone in a sea of shining pearls.
When I am weak, thank you for being strong.
When my world is cruel silence, thank you for being my song.
When I am so down, I cannot even hold my own head up,
Thank you... for picking me up.
When I think of all you've done for me, what things I've done for you, there are so few,
And so I must say, Thank you.
-----------------------------
The Place of the Future
They say the past is a familiar place
And to this many people are willing to attest,
But of the future they fear to speak,
For it is a strange and frightening place,
As no man has been there before
And maybe there, more than anywhere else,
It will be empty or full of devastation,
A worthless place of desolation,
Although to it all hopes are drained,
As all the waters of once had drained,
By God's command in the Book of Genesis,
To the one place once called "Seas",
Until the "Earth" was seen
And became the place of beginning ,
When the distance from there to us
Is the value*, definite and unique, called "Past"
And which was also called "Future" in the past.
*As stated in a rule of mathematics:
"The absolute value of a number -
is the distance of that number from the inception."
--------------------------------------
an oceanic view
the pleasure of this vision .. staggering
though
present rules are limited
how seriously we would honor the possession
to be able
to recognize the force of authority
the sunset embraced me with passion
during which, i
felt a bit permissive
i became a fanatic and yet, insistent
that distinctive
sight was pre-meditated and yet significant
the sunrise was then drawing nearer
it was a
constructive but radiant presentation
the reflection of the overall ocean was truly
divine
it effectively completed its preciousness
the seashore prepared declivity
a vast provision in
its exclusiveness
a Masterful and yet marvelous demonstration
the
complexed waters rushingly attributed to shore
i cheerfully prepared for mysteries unknown to depth
i
engaged then expelled with effectiveness powerfully
sustaining her life-force
debbie
-----------------------------------
This is for the spirits:
This is for the spirits
I say, this is for the spirits
Spirits ffrom lakay
This is for the spirits
Samba, this is for the spirits
Spirits KILIKIKI
This is for them
I say, this is for them
Samba, this is for them
Spirits OGOU FERRAIL
This is for them, I say, this is for them
AYIBOBO for them...
---------------------------------------
Watch him,
As He Flies
Through the air!
With his wild imagination
That could never fail!
What is he thinking?
What will he invent?
And, is it time yet?
From every side
You look,
He is there,
Waiting just for you!
Boooooom!
You look around
And see,
It is just his mind
Opening up
---------------------
To The Stoner
All you want is weed, weed, weed, the stoners plant
starting from a seed.
If your not raving about pot, then
in your mind, acids' found a spot.
I wanna get high, I
wanna fry, you say like it matters, we all die.
So pass
the pipe and light the bong, look out brain here comes the
song.
"All I want is weed, all I want to see. Weed
and acid gets me plastered, so come on pass the
weed."
So sing your song and fry your mind, I'll talk
to you another time. When you've come to ALL you senses, when
you've climbed the tall hard fences. When you have given up
the weed and taken the chance for yourself to succeed.
------------------------------------------
Cover my soul like the blanket of death
I am drowned, breathe his scent
Scream his name, hear the silence
Reach for his hand, feel the cold
Tell the angels to hasten his release
Beg the Gods to speed my demise
Close my eyes, peace is hostage
Hands tear bones from the body
Pain withers the will, No tomorrow
Shake the foundations of my sleep
beg for life, breathe poison
Come memory, Soothe my soul
Life is lived by accidental breath
Stumble days upon the night
Sun rises without light
Eyes see without sight
Love is buried, grounded in stone
Life is lived by accident alone
----------------------------------
Love is beautiful
but when there's conflict it destroys the love
people change
people come and go
but one thing will not change
the future will change
but one thing will not change
scenery changes
but one thing will not change
the past and love cannot and will not change
through all the pain and suffering
through all discretion and misunderstanding
love always goes on love cannot go into the past and the past will not change
what's done is done may it be fun or not
you alone cannot change love or the past
to love the past is true happiness
and to have loved in the past is love in the future
and love in the future is pure happiness
and to live and love everything from future to past is total happiness
---------------------------------
"The future's slipping out of our hands,"
Say the prophets who've moved away to the hills
The past is fading out of yesterday's mind
Like a baby falling off a windowsill.
Twisted angels in the halo of a spotlight
Spread their broken wings, dark secrets revealing
Milking the milk of human kindness
The truths have taken on a new lack of meaning.
I've been looking for god, I've been looking for faith
For the hand that would wipe away these scars
But the only signs I've seen around
Are for cheap motels and topless bars.
There's no place for me in heaven
And no place for me in hell, either
Watching ghost towns move past on my Harley
Getting to be an easy rider.
The days go by but the road never stops
And someday I'll grow too tired to run
Feeling the wind as it rushes through my head
Like thoughts of fading into the sun.
--------------------------------
YOU
He was your first invader.
As suddenly as he left, he crawled inside your skin
And worked his way from the outside to the center--
Too fast-- Rainbows of vertigo.
He halted after he had experienced each minute molecule
Of your flesh and trembling being.
The ambush was subtle waves.
The stampeding kindness of his desire crushed your willpower.
Easy to blame on trust: Could it be you?
Realize you vanished, rolled over and cried dry tears for five dead years.
How could you let this happen?
Do not let the tides pull you to oblivion: Scream silence.
Do you want this struggle? Lay claim and fight-- Sleep.
Float on the oceans of madness.
Don't wake up to see where you are it might matter.
Impatience became a clean sword to his lust.
You became his last.
----------------------------------
Moments in Time
Rosemary Winters
Pink fingers of light
abound in the fading twilight.
Shades of lavender and mauve
make a little cove.
Welling up from the sea,
the flames of sunset beam.
Shades of blue are mixed
when all is fixed.
Fixed in a moment of time.
This unique sunset reminds
that nothing is permanent,
just moments in time.
---------------------------------
Feels she the cold stares upon her battered face.
Feels she the lonely night engulf her,
Feels the minutes dancing and parading all around her.
Secluded in a room where all is acceptance, and all is alone.
And she's now breathing and struggling so.
Enters he upon this chilled eve
To kiss away morality and all she believes.
Begging him to leave, she
Pleads with him,
Bleeds from him...
Feels the weight of him overcome her frailty.
Cries of desperation emptied into the ignorant night.
Rape her, would he...
And he knows this isn't right.
Could create in this sweet girl
Blackest moment in her life.
He's gone now,
But she's certain
He'll return in her dreams,
Day and night.
------------------------------
"Reality"
Painful tears
Drip down my eyes
I am alone
To my surprise.
I live to die
And go to hell.
Everytime I was in love
I broke my heart when I fell.
My heart is living in a fantasy.
A fantasy I will never see.
I wish my life would heal,
But this can never be.
I cry and I cry,
"I wish I were dead!"
If I had things my way.
I would have never bled.
My emotions are frail.
I see your heart never got my mail.
-----------------------------------
There are so many things I'd like to say to you.
So many words, so many thoughts; yet I find myself
unable to speak in your presence.
My words form a silent bouquet that has grown
in the garden of my heart, and been watered by the
tears of loss. My thoughts are scattered like seeds across
the open field of my mind where only you grow.
-------------------------------------
To Those I Love
If I should ever leave you
whom I love
to go along the silent path
grieve not
But laugh and talk
of me
as if I were
beside you there
(I'd come, I'd come,
could I but
find a way!
But would not tears
and grief
be barriers?)
And when you hear a song
or see a bird I loved
please do not be sad
For I am
loving you just as I always have...
-----------------------------
death leads to disaster
death is love
love is death
a death of a portion
inside of you
a suicide of reality
where illogic
takes hold of you hard
standing
watching the fire
burn. keeping you warm
wondering how long 'til
it burns cold?
until the only remnants
are cold, dusty ashes
the soot coating
your soul
why put your trust
in something human
something so flawed?
why chance it?
it's all the thrill--
the chill down your
spine when your lips touch
but how long does that last?
-----------------------------------
Hate:
A mother cries \Her child is gone\Taken from hate\What went wrong?
Humans have ruined this Earth\ Filled it with killing and pain\ But we are all dying inside\ Our illness, conceit and vain\
Another murder\This time a young boy\ Shot by his brother\ Thought it was just a toy\ I turn on the t.v.\ And click to channel five\ The madness doesn't stop\ this time we're bombing Shanghai\ A girl gets pregnant Her boyfriend unaware\ She gets an abortion \does anyone care? \ That we are killing our children\ before they are born\ Taking innocent lives\ But no one will morn\ We kill off our children\ Before they can breathe\ But this is America\ The land of liberty\ We kill eachother\ And start nuclear wars\ i can't stand this hate\ I can't take it anymore\ Will this hate continue\ to grow?\Or will it stop?\ Will I live to know...
---------------------------------------
I wish I were an as*hole:
Then it would be easier
For me to fill
This emptiness in my soul.
As*holes always have someone to share their stupidity with.
I wish I hadn't spent so much time learning:
Ignorance isn't bliss,
But wisdom
Is surely Hell.
The ability to express yourself to Fish is worthless.
I wish I could make it all go away:
Death isn't the solution,
But life
Has no answers.
After all, Life is for the Living.
--------------------------------------
Dying
Look at me
Reaching out for you
Waiting patiently
for you to look my way
You see me every day
and yet
you cannot see past
my face
And every day
I die
a little more.
-------------------------------------------
"Thoughts of a Mad Man"
I love life. Life is to love. I can't stand the thought. Thought. My thoughts.
The thought that there may be no life. What if there is no life? What if my
life is merely my dream? What if I've lived an entire lifetime within a few
hours of a dream? Will I ever awake? If I awake, will I remember my real
life, or will I miss my dream?
I pray that I never wake up.
I love life. Life is to love. I can't stand the thought. My own thoughts.
The thought that my life may be in the dream of one person unknown. What if
my life is in the dream of one person unknown? Will they ever awake? If they
awake, then will the ones whom I love and myself be erased from existence?
I pray that he doesn't wake up.
---------------------------------------------
I saw you look at me, my world started to spin,
I wanted to open my heart to you, to let your love shine in.
Yet I've been hurt before, fear took over emotion,
My heart screamed yes, but I wasn't ready for devotion.
So, I let you get away, crying as you drove,
I whispered softly to myself, at first sight I felt love.
---------------------------------
I MISS
I miss the way you use to look at me.
The way you held me tight.
When you kissed me gently,
and made love to me at night.
The way you use to talk.
Not to mention how you laughed.
The way you use to love me.
You're promises that we'd last.
I miss the hope for the future,
and the happiness from the past.
I miss the way I felt.
why did it end so fast?
--------------------------------------
She says
let's go to Village Inn and
I would say no, but
it's the only place
open at 2:30 in the morning.
I hate seeing the dusty
old men staring out at
nothing,
thinking about nothing,
doing nothing, nothing, nothing.
I hate seeing middle-aged women
in too-tight jeans and dark roots of blonde hair
ask for low-fat ice cream
on their pie.
I hate it when
the waitress asks "soup or salad?"
even though you know
that when you ask
for soup she will say
"We're fresh out"
and then she'll go on
pouring her hundredth cup of coffee
and counting the minutes
until her shift is up.
But I say
Ok,
we'll go to Village Inn
because it's the only place
open at 2:30 in the morning.
Lindsay Thacker, 5/17/99
------------------------------
TILL MY DYING DAY
BARBARA ELAINE ALYEA
(a thought and a prayer for Dad )
I was his youngest, living, since my brother passed away,
he kept my close too him and he spoiled my everyday.
My Dad he had his worries, about his pain and death,
but, I believe he found the strength, to lay his fears to rest.
He remembered "Little Grandma" and "Baby Brother", too,
he remembered my "Dear Mommy" , I believe they all helped him through.
I'll never forget my Father, till my dying day,
when I believe by the Grace of God, he'll help me on my way.
-----------------------------------
Girl Meets Boy
She Thinks that He is Very Coy
She wants Him to Herself Forever
But She knows that this could happen, Never
For Their is a Problem That Stands in her Way
He Has a Girl & She is Intended to Stay
This Girl now Knows She must move on
Even though Her Heart will be Torn
She then Remembers she got more than some
They were together for a little while
But wouldn't let it cramp her Style
This Girl is Now with a New Boy
Who Brings Her MUCH Joy!!!
----------------------------------------
I remember how it felt to be near you
To catch your smile on my face
To feel your fingers through my hair
And how your embrace left me warm and unaware
Of life's cruel atmosphere
I remember how it felt to be loved by you
The nights of running wild through the stairways and corridors
Of nameless places
Our separate faces made one in a soft kiss
Does it matter that it hurt when you left
And that time never dulled this pain in my chest
And that you kept in touch, for a little while?
Does it matter, that I have grown and changed
That my life has transformed and rearranged
And that you probably wouldn't recognize me now?
Does it matter that I would know you
simply by the warm, comfortable way I felt when your around
And that I miss you so much?
--------------------------------
Silence
You could be that one best thing,
But i've lost you again.
Dim the lights and close the shades,
The world can't see my face.
Silence the voices in my head,
They scream again in vain.
Drowning, Fading,
Losing all that i had,
I thought I had.
Let my fears be realized,
Before my eyes
In turn.
Bite the bullet
Save the tears
For important fears,
I've learned
In turn.
----------------------------
Decisions, Decisions
- Shannon M. Bandru
Over and over my mind rambles,
no destination, no
direction.
Again, words are a scrambled version
of an alphabet once
memorized.
With reasoning enveloped and sense
lacking I go on, "What
should I do?"
Who ever said more choices makes this
easier? I believe
choosing one
from one is like reading thoughts before
one speaks them, why bother?
I prefer
one from ten. Do not settle my mind,
for without confusion
it is lost.
----------------------------------
A Rainy Day
As the rain came pouring down,
I sat there in the window and didn't make a sound.
I sat there thinking all day long,
About where we both went wrong.
As the wind blew i thought of her caring heart,
And why it was that we drifted so far apart.
As the rain fell I thought of the fun times that we shared,
I wish was a way to show that I'll always care.
As the lightning struck I thought about what I said,
And the thoughts that were running through my head.
As the thunder rolled through the sky I remembered when we first seen one another,
And how much time we spent together.
As the sun broke through the clouds and shined on me,
I remembered how much we made each other so happy.
I still don't know how all is going turn out,
But I know with out a doubt.
I'll find someone new,
But right now in my heart to her I can only be true.
-----------------------------
When I die, I'll wait for you,
By those pearly gates, 'till you come through.
And if you're not there on judgment day,
I'll know you went the other way.
I'll give the angels back their wings,
And risk the loss of everything.
Just to prove my love is true,
I'll go to hell to be with you.
--------------------------------------
DEAD-ENDING
Sometimes, when I cry I see you
I know you more than I ever have
Like a pain that longs to die
You know what I never have
Most of the time, when i fear
I plead with myself, for an inner silence to adhere
To solemn meaningful thought
Bought by rhyme
Sold by modesty
Everything, sometimes, has to find it's own way
And sometimes, it isn't there
So here I am, dead-ending
It takes me places that I never thought I could ever go
It takes me no-where
My mind ponders
Images are fair
Or where, my spirit wanders
-----------------------------------
Where did you come from?
Where did you go?
Not that I care, I'd just like to know.
I never had pain or worthless fear,
And I never knew ecstasy, till I held you near.
I never had to steal and I never had to borrow,
I never knew anyone that brought me any sorrow.
I never had emotion like most people do, but I never had a lover quite like you.
I never was scared of night, till you left me there.
You straight out took the sun, and left the sky so bare.
I never had a friend to give love to, but I never had a friend quite like you.
Now you're gone, I try not to care,
I've shut out the pain, I've shut out despair.
Money from the divorce has made me quite rich,
It really hurt my sole when you called me a bitch,
No not that I care, no not that I should,
My future now really looks quite good.
I'll find someone else, that's what I'll do,
But I'll never find another, quite like you...
Halcyon Days.
----------------------------------
Distilled
By... Natas
Poured out of the spotlight like glue
Filled past your limit, the gimic laughs at your rubber world
Away, Away, Never to stay, the rabbit runs to suburbia
Burnt by the torn hearts, melting in a boiling pot of discomfort
Free from the totalitarian who said blood was god's sin
Away, Away, Never anything to say, the rabbit becomes a socialist
Shaken and taken by his words you are motionless
Un-invited and divided by what to serve for dinner
Nothing left but regrets
Switch with the winner you pay the losers debts
Money stolen from the played
Devils are what I want to say
More is the than the earth, given birth to a bum at a bus station
A christian prays and the liar turns gray
Away, Away, Never is Forever, the rabbit is eternity
-------------------------------
Yester(to)day
when i look to the past for a while it's the future that changes before an awaiting and whimsical mind but there's always the time for a smile in the now and again when forever endeavors to send me sublime as a child who has wandered amiss or a kiss when it's parting the lips with a whistle of hip turns the tide then arrives all encrypted enlisted against me and flippantly scripting demises reprises denied
whenever the world's in the way of a "wish" me or "washed" me it's wonder i long for it opens my eyes to the beauty surrounding my playfully sightseeing senses the sound smells and tasting now touching the skies with surprises alive in a maze of a million amazing todays sent so slowly they daze me in wave after wave of the bluecrazy hazy and leisurely waning delayed by the waters receding to stave off the bleeding of me all alone and congealing whenever i'm stealing a glance to the easterly sea
when the world is an ocean and only a minnow at once in a moment identic'lly diff'rent indeed on my knees the infinities tease me with freedoms enslaved in enigmas displayed and explained by confusion that's fusing opposed points of view
------------------------------
All agitation inside is just building building to make me nervousy-cry.
Pop , Push, Grate along cement with bumps and resistance the unforseen goal!
Out of there fu*king headache, bellyache, fu*king nauseating brainache.
I only live this day, this minute, this year and YET I am still sitting.
In this wretched, smelly desk with small brains on the computer and boring into the back of my head.
The odor emanates from below and nigh and pushing me slowly onward I breathe sighs of relief and detachment.
One may ask, "Why so long? What has kept you pressed to the chair with heaving breast and heart??"
My answer can only be the obvious - I fear becoming poor and ridiculed.
-----------------------------------
HOPE
HOPE IS AN INNER STRENGTH,
THAT COMFORTS YOUR SOUL.
PROTECTING YOU,
SAVING YOU,
FROM SADNESS AND SORROW.
------------------------------
Can one steal a gift
Stolen Poem
Once it has taken leave
Of that place of heart & soul?
Does it belong to anyone?
Those in desperation who reach
To grab this
>From the Hands that are our souls
Have needs and looses deep within
In sharing with us all
Is not like the air
That each of us takes and adds a bit
Yet nothing is different but that we have taken a breath
Is this versed that comes to us
Ours or essence of Him
A rhythm of soul speak
Of a place where processions don't exist
Bruce Raynor June 28/99 (Braynor781@aol.com)
--------------------------------------
MY SECRET
I think about you all the time
I can't get you out of my mind
I'd tell you but I'm afraid that
you won't feel the same way back
I'll keep these emotions deep inside
so as not to hurt my foolish pride
Sometimes I want to shout it out
and other times it won't come out
The way you smile, the way you talk, or the way in which you walk,
makes me want you in every way
and the feelings get stronger every day
Since I'm too shy to say
I'll just wish it every day.
And maybe soon,
our love will bloom.
But for now
I don't know how
so you will never know.
-------------------------------
Perfection is everywhere
It has been found.
I searched the ocean,
the seas, and the ground.
I haven't quite found it,
but it is sure there.
I guess I have not
searched everywhere.
Some found it in art,
fishes and bowls.
The art was all boring
the fishes were old.
The bowls were all close,
But they weren't quite there.
I guess I still need
to search everywhere.
I think that I've found it,
just listen to this.
Her eyes are so great,
her body is bliss.
I think I'm in heaven,
or sure really close.
Or maybe I've just seen
the perfect ghost.
----------------------------------
My friend loved you from a mile away
I took a look at you and thought you were okay
A couple of weeks later I took a shine to you
It took 14 days but my love for you still grew
But right now all I think is you and me
And if you say yes how happy I will be
Can't bare to think if you say no
So I'll keep it to myself and feel so low
--------------------------------
someone has a little wish pretends they are being kissed someone has a little hate people cry and corpses pray the person that i love stayed closed and now is far away their name cursed to my brain the creamed ice melts today wish i had better words but my love and my talent is now hoarse
----------------------------------
WHY MUST WE DIE
WHY MUST WE DIE AND LEAVE OUR LOVED ONES IS IT BECAUSE IT WAS OUR TIME TO DIE OR WAS IT BECAUSE IT WAS ON PURPOSE
WHY MUST WE DIE DID WE DO DID WE DO SOMETHING WRONG OR DID SOMEBODY ELSE TAKE OUR LIFE
WHY MUST WE DIE TO FERTILIZE THE EARTH OR COME BACK AS GUARDIAN ANGELS TO HELP PEOPLE FROM HURTING THEMSELVES OR OTHERS
WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH WHEN PEOPLE WE LOVE DIE AROUND US
DO WE SEE A BRIGHT LIGHT WHEN WE DIE OR DO THE ANGELS COME DOWN AND TAKE OR HAND
WHY MUST WE DIE WHY CANT WE LIVE FOREVER
-----------------------------------------
Look into the light,
I heard an angel say one night,
but I liked the dark,
I craved my hole,
desperate mind and tortured soul.
Then my heart a hand did touch,
it was God's, I knew that much;
then I shed my useless fright
and boldly stepped into the light.
-------------------------
ANGEL OF DEATH
(a poem of good-byes)
Like a shroud it wraps itself around you like an obsessive lover
Taking the smile from you lips
Taking the feeling from your fingers
Stealing the breath from your lungs and the memories from your heart
Chilling your blood in an instant
Never thinking before it strikes
It stands in front of you like a living nightmare evil
Like a gust of wind it moves over holes filled with the lives he's Stolen, dreams taken and souls enveloped
Be careful not to take life for granted;
Walking with thee on a summer's night
The wind slows and seems absent
I look around and without warning the stalk figure walks up to you
I try to help you but i was captured by invisible chains unable to move
As it placed a hand on your shoulder you turned your head to face me
with a look of ultimate sadness a single tear trickles down your cheek
It hit me then that you would no longer ever cry, laugh, smile, or live again
And without a word it lead you toward the fate of endlessness
With one slight movement the last smile faded from your mouth and you wiped
Away your tear which i knew you did so i wouldnt' cry
But i couldn't help it
And without a word we said our silent goodbyes and you whispered "i love you" and vanished
I fell to my knees and cried shaking my fists to the heavens
"Why so you take him, my only love, why didn't you take me instead?"
I know now that i have never felt true loneliness until now for you are gone
I will never again hear your voice, feel your touch, or see your face
God, why am i to live here in THIS world without him?
My God you have forsaken me
Damn you for taking my true happiness from me
I lock at myself in my room and fall on my bed to cry till i have no tears left
I look out the window and see two turtle doves sitting on the closest branch
I slowly walk around the house without saying a word
I go into the kitchen and get a knife
I go back into my room
I pull out everything you had given me
I hold your picture in my hand and i hug your teddy
I pray that i will die quickly so i may see you again in heaven
The knife in one hand brushing lightly across my wrist just shy of cutting it
I look outside up at the clouds and i see your face
I start to cry again and i hear
"Don't die for me but live so i can live through you"
You smile and then you fade away
I realize you had given me the greatest gift besides love cause with your death we had true life
I whispered "i will always love you" as i drop the knife
I may never understand why you wanted me to live but i do know that you did love me and that someday when that figure comes up to me that i will see you again
But goodbye for now my love
Sleep forever
--------------------------------
I Want You
I want you night and day
to share my love with you
To show you what my love really means
and to make it last forever more
To pray for the day to come
and to make our love, last forever
I want to be with you night and day
so, to share my true love with yours alone
------------------------------
I only have one
Here you may keep it
I do not know how it works
Please do not break it
If you drop it
I will fall and be the one who
Suffers through it all
Please do not watch
As I knee to the pain
See the moon drawn
See the sun float away
And then the stars will die
Yet here it is anyway
No one will know why
Because there are no words to say
So I am giving you my heart
-----------------------
-so difficult whatever we do but in some way its right , just being together , so many talks and fights help us and that makes you different from "them" and just cause i'm not me you say doesn't mine we can't be us
-maybe its not meant to be but we are together as friends , and if i have to change for u and us i will cause that's what it means to me and i hope u too, i'm sorry for all i've done wrong cause i'm starting to realize what i need to do right , and what i've been missing
- i'm so thankful for all u do for me, i'm sorry for the past but i'm tired of talking about it, i want to start over and do it right, and i know you might not understand but its as true as me and u , i'm tired of fighting so
- and i wish i could be like i was with everyone else with u but you are so different your you and i'm me and together we are so right, i'm not thirsting for love i'm seeking for friendship
-you bring out a new me and just that no one else does but that's just a different side of me, and i thank u for that, we have so many accidents like making if more then it should have been but
- its so complicated what we have that when i think about it the less i understand, but we've got something and i think we should keep it
- so its so hard to work out and so easy to let go, but i'm not willing to lose it, lets just stay together
-------------------------------------
My sister please don't watch me cry
I hate for you to see my pain
We both know who is to blame
I pray for you
To live life well
Please don't think I left you
I love you so
I had a problem
no one else could see
I could not take the pain
that was inside me
I didn't run out
I'll be back someday
I'm so sorry
If I've hurt you in anyway
------------------------------------
Love at Last Glance
Audrey Lanell
You're young, attractive, happy & free. Don't want him, you're too picky. He's
handsome, but, too nice to see, his real beauty. You fall in love, but not with
him, but he is there. Time passes and he's still there, you don't care, but do
you? Again, you fall in love, but not with him, but he is there. More time
passes, the phone call comes, he will wed, would rather have married you instead.
Time goes by and then you wed. You think of him now and then, the fun, you had
a lot with him. Years pass by, your life's a mess, wonder what happened to the
happiness? Discontentment fill your years, along with fears, but mostly tears.
Finally, you reach out to him. Looking here, calling there, surely he must be
somewhere. At last you find him, the news is sad, he is dead. The best
lover you never had. Love at last glance, he isn't there, and now you care.
This is a true poem. On Monday, June 21, 1999, I found out my dear friend died
on July 7, 1997. He was not married at the time and was reading Hemingingway on
a beach along the Florida coast. This is my tribute to Dennis M. Duggan. I know
in my heart, of all my loves, he loved me most.
------------------------------
As the Day Fades
Watching the sun as it drops to the earth
And as the moon rises showing its majestic worth
The tide returns to land with its water so blue
The night to young yet for the morning dew
A man walks by, far past his time of glory
A man walks by waiting to tell his story
He has amassed many tales through out his existence
You walk by but, he speaks them with persistence
You gaze at the man seeing a shell of what he might have been
But his eyes still full of a fire that burns from within
Every mans day, must pass and aft
Sometimes, life is nothing but an endless charade
Once too young, now too old
Like the warmth of the afternoon, swallowed by cold
Your day in the sun, far too short
your night much to long for you to hold up fort
Your resistance fades, as does the day
Dimly lit like the stars in the sky, never able to find you way
Ever thing must come to an end
Even the calm of a lake disappears with the wind
As the sun begins to rise, and the moon fades away yet again
The man's time comes to an end, but with anothers ready to begin
history passed through a man and his story
Even after his passing, he can still bask in its glory
Like the sun, no matter when it fades
It will always shine again another day
-----------------------------------
How many times I've wanted to scream
but held it in
how many times I've tried to tell
but wasn't allowed
or was I?
Maybe all this time it was me
maybe I'm the reason
maybe they would listen
but I was silent
I held on
kept my pain like a prized possession
that they gave me
I don't want it, but I can't give it to you
you don't deserve it any more then I did
so how do I release?
Do I scream?
Do I kill?
Should I run?
or should I face it
with the little strength I have left
I've been denied
or denied myself
that chance
the little bit of normalcy I could have had
it's too late
to forget
and I won't forgive
so maybe I'll just write it down
and throw it away
or keep it, just in case
to remind myself
to be real
------------------------
Seasons change...
Time goes by...
And ,all the while,
I still try,
To be the one
Your thinking of...
All I need...
Is all your love...
Rose
----------------------------
The Sea
I step into the soft tide My soul in great despair
As the sea slowly swallows me I could not have your love
The sand sifts over my dreams So only the sea will have mine
Rain breaks all that I believe And the waves will carry me
Thunder rolls over my spirit With the water's eternal shine.
The water washes away my mind
And the storm rumbles on
My eyes ever so blind
The waves crash against my body
My love for you drifts away
I slowly sink deeper, deeper
For you, my life will pay
I try to scream for help
Yet no one hears my cries
The sea consumes everything
My love, my life, my lies
The water invades my body
As I take a gasp of air
The blackness surrounds me
-----------------------------
ONE MORE TRY
we've been through a lot,
so we gave it one more shot,
we didn't give it time,
instead just said goodbye,
all people did was lie,
and you believed it to be true,
and after that i lost you.
one day i got an e-mail,
my friends said i should bail,
but i gave in.
we got back together,
we thought it would be better,
but it blew up in are faces,
we invaded are spaces,
so i said goodbye,
trying not to cry,
not knowing later would be my time to die.
--------------------------------
Why is life so hard? Can't things just go right?
I thought it was all okay, and then you tell me this tonight
I know you have these feelings, I know I do too
But in this situation there's nothing we can do
You two are together and the girl is my best friend
So before it even starts, our romance must come to an end
I wish that things were different, so we could be together
But I can't lose a friendship, so we must be apart forever
Maybe we should forget it, put our feelings to rest
I know it will be hard but we know it's for the best
You and I can always be friends, though our feelings we must hide
Just always know they are there somewhere deep inside
---------------------------------------
Always and Forever
I guess what I wanted was,
to hear you say you loved me,
as much as I love you.
I guess what I wanted was,
to know we would be together,
always and forever.
I guess what I wanted was,
to feel you near me always.
I guess what I wanted was
you to feel what I feel for you.
Then I would be sure,
we would be together,
------------------------------
All That's in My Head
In the world of black and white I am the Ironic grey
floating through life in a clouded haze
searching for something, with no purpose, no meaning
the one last blast that will silence me
Walking through oblivion destination unknown
each day defeats me as my insecurities are exposed
I smoke with the skeleton in my closet, disaproval bleeds from her mouth
I fall into her words, then your voice comes to me and once again I can drown her out
In this encounter more meaningless verses come from me, with more love than you realize
Love is a harmful emotion which has blinded these reptilian eyes
I can't find a point, I have lost track of thought
I smile as I think of all the beautiful things I have forgot
it doesn't matter, just a string of empty words
I am turning off now, so I can ignore the parts that hurt
----------------------------------------
"Permeable"
By Kirsten Teasdale
I LOVE YOU
It permeates my every cell.
I MISS YOU
It sinks through to my bones.
I cry not over,
the spilled milk,
the flat tire,
the stained shirt,
the broken friendships.
Every tear I shed is yours.
Everything that sets me off is dulled
next to what sadness I feel
over you.
Should I trip and fall,
And cut my hand,
The tears I cry would be for you.
All around me I feel you.
--------------------------
REACHING OUT
by lisa f.
You couldn't tell by looking at me that I am dying inside.
You couldn't tell by talking to me that I have nothing to say.
You couldn't tell by holding me that I am numb.
There is no love and there is no hate, just a feeling of emptiness.
My life has shattered and I cannot pick up the pieces.
There is no tomorrow and there no today.
I live life because I have to, like cleaning my room or washing the dishes.
Not like all the others who live life because they want to and find joy out of doing so.
I don't know what this means or why I wrote this. Take it as it is or how you want to.
But remember, this may be my way of reaching out.
----------------------------------
TODAY, OH TODAY,
I AM ENGULFED BY
A FLAME TOWERING
HIGH, THE BURNING
EMBERS OF MY EMOTIONS
ENRAGE ME AS I REALIZE
THE INJUSTICE I HAVE
BEEN SERVED BY MY PEERS,
WHY IS IT I BATTLE
CONSTANTLY I CANNOT
SEE, I CANNOT HEAR,
I'M JUST HERE DROWNING
IN THE SEA OF MY VERY BEING
-------------------------------------
UNEXPLAINABLE
BY MABLE BENTON
CAN LUST BE LOVE?
CAN LOVE BE LUST?
IS IT ALL THE SAME?
THAT FEELING YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN
THAT QUEASY FEELING--- IS IT ONLY FOR THE MOMENT
OR ETERNITY?
INFINITY, INDEFINITELY, ETERNALLY, INTERNALLY
EMOTIONALLY
LUST-FREE
LOVELY!!
----------------------------
te quiero
I love you
so many ways to say
How I feel about you
every single day
when i look into your eyes,
i see only the bluest skies.
when i see your smile,
i could stay for the longest while,
the longest day.
we can't talk.
not because we fight or scream,
not because the words don't come out.
you speak spanish
i speak english
our love is a secret.
no one else can know.
when you say te quiero
when i say I LOVE YOU!!!!!
--------------------------------
Falling fast
And falling slow,
I no longer
Have control.
Unfamiliar ground
Has me afraid,
But not enough
To quench this flame.
A flame that burns higher
And higher still,
As I follow
My heart's will.
------------------------------
Forget-me-nots bloom in blue
Shiver underneath my tears
You, I can't forget, my dear
The passion and the pain
A sleepy moon looks through the night
and sees her child weep by her bed
The memories run through her head
The passion and the pain
For she is losing her one love
and to her heart the stars will sing
But I would not change a thing
For passion or for pain
----------------------------------
Walls gates and boundaries
None of which can rule me
Eyes that see
Ears that hear
All meant to control me
None of which can rule me
Government, laws and taxes
All meant to control me
None of which can rule me
Seeing what is around me
All that is
All that should be
None of which can rule me
Why do you want what others have
That which others want to control you
That is what rules you...
-------------------------------
HUNGRY
He places the overflowing platter before me,
and I have a difficult time deciding which of his lies I will devour first
it is a feast
and I am overwhelmed
I gorge myself
taking more
and MORE!!
but when i look up
into his eyes
I see that he does not love me anymore
and so
I stick my finger down my throat
I am desperate to purge myself of him
and his lies!
---------------------------------------
Illegal Questions
Iambic pentameter be damned
The only thing I follow is the blood of ink on my hand
Because maybe I can escape being wretchedly disturbed
By letting words flow over my mind's curb
Unfettered by what I should have thought
Chained to a rusting bed by what I was taught
I lay on that bed, with springs eating my back
And I vomit up memories, choked hate, disparate crap
Then I sift through the half-digested parts
Hoping to find answers in the technocolored barf
But there are none to see
As I squat by the stinking pile of regurgitated me
I know where I am supposed to go-To the rock to the pit
But a question: "Do you love me?" Is not an answer is it?
-----------------------------------------------
The Mistake
Blood
Deep dark red
Soothes her soul
Her troubles seep out
With the red river
Flowing from her wrist
She heaves a contented sigh
Through the tears running down her cheeks
She stares a the deep slit she has made
The guilt begins to form
"Why?!" She screams at herself
There has to be another way to relieve her pain
She buries her face in her hands
Feels warm liquid on her lips
Blood, still pouring
It will not stop
It is gushing, forming a red ocean on the floor
She is scared
Everything is getting blurry
Her head is spinning
Something has gone terribly wrong
"No," she whispers
She isn't ready to leave
She has lost the fight
She takes her final breath
Life was so hard for her
Now, it is over, but it was a tragic mistake
-------------------------------
The Tiny Sun Is Setting,
Into The Silver Sky
And Off To Sleep, I Be Getting
A Dream In [The] Sand, Where I Do Lie
I Hear The Sound,
Of Distant Surf,
Cashing On The Rocky Mound,
As I Lay On This Sandy Turf
A Gull Cries Loud
As Clouds Pass By
A Tiny Crab Struts So Proud
Near Where This Observer Lies
The Night Has Fallen,
The Moon Shines Bright,
[And] I Can Hear Dreams A-Calling
Wishing Me To Bed This Night
---------------------------
To my feet I rise
for beyond the clouded blue ski
to a paradise up above
i sore to the top like a dove
My father before I see
as I am down on bended knee
He forgave my sins and washed me clean
and now purity is all you can see
Wings are given to me
to be God's angel you see...
I'll travel near and far
to try and heal everyone's scar
------------------------------------
Still Waters
These still waters that I've come to know
These still waters that calm my soul
These comforting rivets that wash my shame
Oh! How they lovingly call out my name.
My Heavenly Father, in tender mercy
Reached out his hand , and he forgave me
Cleansed me white in these still waters
Forgave not one, but all his daughters
These still waters that I lie beside
In God's word, may my soul abide
Washed from sin I will proclaim
The Son of God, Christ Jesus reigns.
--------------
Less conspicuous than a roach atop a sewage dump
and okay with the fact that my mind is superficial slum
being a scholar would still not be enough
i'd still be incompetent as an athletic achieving buff
preaching the word demands coffee breaks
and culinary art ends up in deficit
fashionable clothes demand to be washed
and my humorous breakthrough deemed mental faux paux
computer knowings lead to hermitity
and marijuana to ultimate social illiteracy
doing things the right way
unappealing, bland
doing things the wrong way
leaves you eternally damned
perhaps understanding will by my delivery at the turn of the year
making it all the more acceptable to inhale another beer
------------------------------
The more you learn, the worse it gets...
More people lose control,
Then go throw violent fits.
They go and kill their teachers, classmates, and even friends..
Even if they change..
It's all same in the end.
----------------------
THE REQUIEM
I shed tears of Disgrace
At the Requiem of my Faith;
The symphony of Death
is delivered in Grace
At the Requiem of my Faith.
More poems left over from June - Encore ! Encore!
Page Copyright © AHA Books 1999.
Poems Copyright © Designated Authors 1999.
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